Thanks Kellis, and more background info?

I' m writing this as i think, so it may be disjointed.
Wrt bullying - Zac does appear to be more relaxed about it, now it's in the open. I suspect, tho' that I may have some work to do to get him in school tomorrow. At least he's spoken about it, so now he's got to give them a chance to do something about it - my view at least. He'll probably run with that, 'cos he knows that's what I expect.

But, there are more issues at home. His mother applies different rules to Zac than she expects about herself. Zac has just opened his own bank account, with a fixed amount of "pocket money" being paid in each month, so he can learn about budgeting. He's already asked for an advance on next months money, and been told "no" by his mum, 'cos he needs to budget. I agree in principle, but this comes from a woman who spends all her benefits on cigs, and can't budget for herself. In the last week, I've written off about £1000 of her debts, and still expects me to buy (some) of her cigs. I'm supposed to take a hard line with Zac - -frankly I find it hard to operate two sets of rules.

I have a feeling that in the next year or so, I will have had enough of it, and may well walk out. With that is a suspicion that Zac may well come with me. Would that be the right thing? I just don't know.

Things he's said to me, and what I've overheard - "I'll talk to Barry, at least he understands me".
I don't know the answer. Something in me says he would be better off living with me, he's fine with me, we talk, and listen to each other. Even when we don't agree, we don't fall out about it.
I think i posted earlier that may be hismother is the "nigger in the woodpile" - as time goes on, I'm starting to think it may be true.

Luv, Baz

Help / advice needed

"She was not, herself, hugely in favour of motherhood in general. Obviously it was necessary, but it wasn't exactly difficult. Even cats managed it. But women acted as if they'd been given a medal that entitled them to boss people around. It was as if, just because they'd got the label which said "mother", everyone else got a tiny part of the label that said "child"..."
(Terry Pratchett - Carpe Jugulum.)

I was going to write about this, which is still relevant. But there are now other issues.
Thanks kelliss for reminding me its been so long since I posted.

The Boy Wonder is being bullied at school, it's not physical, but more on the line of threats.
He actually talked about it a few days ago, but hasn't been in school since.
Today, we had a meeting at school, (mother decided to let me deal with it) where he did express the same views.
Tonight, tho', I tried to discuss bullying with him, I got the response that it was me and Mum who made him talk to school about it.
Whilst I've put no pressure on him, I do think it was the right thing to do.

Help & advice would be appreciated, please

Some thoughts on your comments

Rather than comment on your comments on previous posts, thought I'd write a longer post, maybe with some background about the Boy Wonder.
First, though, thank you all for your positive and helpful comments. They are a great help.
There has been progress over the last 6 months, but massive changes in the last week. He's adapted really well to not having Mum around to whinge to!
Micky, you commented about him being 15 and actually talks to me - blessed?, sometimes maybe cursed!, but at least he does talk. I doubt also that he will run out of reasons to keep in contact!

The first week has gone really well, far better than I expected. I'm wondering now whether (politically incorrect, but wtf) Mum is the nigger in the woodpile. Life with the Boy Wonder is so much more pleasant and amicable whilst she's not around. Is that such a terrible thought?

So, a bit of background - the three of us live in a 1 bedroomed bungalow, so we are very cramped - no one has their own space - except Mum, who occupies the bedroom - she has some level of physical disability, and tends to stay in bed much of the time. So that's us now.

The Boy Wonder was adopted (legally) by his Nan and step dad when he was about 4. They are loaded with money, and my impression is that they threw money at him, bought what he wanted, when he wanted it, to get him out of their hair. In short, he became a spoilt brat.
Don't get me wrong, I've been able to "throw" money at him, but the difference is I've paid for him to do activities, but I've spent time doing those activities with him, not just dropping him off, and then picking him up.

Last Christmas, he voted with his feet and came to live with his Mum ( and me). It's not been easy. He does have an anger management problem, which is why he's got a referral for mental health issues. At least he recognises the problem. And at least he does talk to me!
If I had a pound for ever time he's had a row with his Mum,, and asked me to "broker a peace deal", I'd be rich.

Other issues, you've commented on - hugs & cuddles. Just, you are so right, we all NEED them, and yes I have read your posts on this topic. It will take time with Wonder Boy - there is some evidence of violence from his step dad. For me to hug him is difficult - he needs to be in control. Don't get me wrong, he will happily throw his arms around me (but he's in control at that point), but the other way round - well, maybe that will come.

That's about it, thanks again for all your support,
Luv 2 all
Baz

PS. Just re-read a comment. Maybe it is a holiday for him. Micky. Certainly a different experience!

Who's on holiday?

So far so good. Mum's been in Tenerife since Tuesday, and so far, no issues.
The Boy Wonder has been very pleasant, and actually asks me if it's OK to do things!
He's had a couple of mates stay over for two nights this week, (by arrangement / discussion, as opposed to telling me they were staying), what a difference!
Right now, he's stopping with one of his mates - Oh heavenly bliss! - but keeps phoning for things - more clothes etc. and today ffs, could I take the TV over!
Still, tonight I rang him to find out when he's coming back home, and he actually seemed concerned that I was OK on my own. How little do children know! lol. Loving it!

Luv 2 all,
Baz

PS Not commented on all you comments on previous posts, but they are appreciated.
&Just - re your question - somewhere between - I'm a beautiful beast!

The Beauty and the Beast (and me as well)

'tis early Monday morning - not long to go. The Boy Wonder's Mum is being despatched to Tenerife tomorrow for a two week break.

I'm left here looking after Zac, (the Boy Wonder), and Reeko (the beast).

wonderin how the the next 2 weeks are going to pan out. I'll get on better with the beast probably. Wish me luck, 'tho I'm sure Zac and I will cope - haha.

Luv 2 all, Baz

A child with a fear of death

An unusual title, but true.
For those who haven't read my previous post please scroll down, can't be bothered putting a link.
Zac is my "inherited" son, who at the moment is going through a period of insecurity about his own life.
He has a belief that he is going to die at an early age, and has other issues. Through his doctor he has got a referral to CAMHS (children and adolescent mental health services).
I'm doing whatever I can to support him, and would like to thank / ackowledge the support I've had from specifically Keliss, Torchy!, and Ty for the IM's i've had with them in the last couple of days. It really is appreciated, guys - many thanks.
More updates to be posted shortly.
Luv to you all,
Baz
#

I'm Back, Sorted & Happy

After a long period of absence, I'm now blogging again.
No, it's not me in the kart - the little shit won't let me get my bum in the seat - it's my surrogate /acquired "son".
He's spent 12 of his 15 years in care, but is now back with his birth mother and me (for the past 6 months).
Will be posting regularly from now on.