I Had a Dream

A couple of nights of ago I had a weird dream. Just Zac and me in a new home, without his mother. Life was bliss. No aggro. What does that say?
Is it something that would happen? In May he'll be 16, still a minor, but reallistically, would amyone be bothered if he lived with me?
Zac's well pissed off with his mum right now - she pays lip service to his karting, but resists all attempts to make any financial contribution.
I'm pissed off too.
What to do?

Should I just walk away?
Without my financial contribution, she couldn't feed Zac. because of her smoking, She would see him starve before she'd give her cigs up.
I love Zac like a son - what should I do?

Luv, Baz

-All is not well in the state of dorset

Happy Christmas to you all.
Right now, Zac and his mum are barely speaking, apart from arguments. Mum is set in her ways and sees no need for negotiation over the current issues. Zac spends his time talking to me.
Will keep this post short, as I need to think about this.
First impressions are that mum feels insecure - losing control of her son to me - if only she would - might be better all round.
more laterz

Can't think of a suitable title

My camera isn't up to capturing these sort of images in poor lighting. This montage of Zac's first race meeting is an A1 poster for his room.

It's been an interesting week since I last posted. The previous weekend went well, despite withdrawing Zac from a race on Sunday. Driving home on Sat, he asked me why we always fight in the morning, but end the day on a high! Bit lost for the answer - maybe it's cos he stays up too late (Xbox?) and is tired, and I'm just becoming a grumpy old man.
Sunday I expected grief, thought he'd try to send me on a guilt trip about not racing. Instead he had a go at his mum about her smoking (she has actually cut down from about 100 a day to 70). Zac is genually concerned for her health, but also sees the cost, still over £120 a week. which he thinks could be channelled into his karting. Anyway, we ended up with a long conversation in the kitchen. He clearly felt his mum wasn't really supporting him with his karting, and wanted me to talk to her. He actually apologised for "putting it on me", but said there was nobody else he could talk to who would be able to do anything about it. More frighteningly, he also expressed his view that I was a better parent than his own mum.
On Monday, the Education Welfare Officer visited to discuss Zac's school attendance record, less than 50%. I wasn't there, but mum expressed the view she didn't care, and if taken to court wouldn't pay any fine. Really helpful! Apparently she also asked how things were with me. I wasn't present so don't know whether her tone implied anything, or whether Zac just over reacted, but told her "we're like peas in a pod", "nothing could seperate us", and "he's a second dad to me".
Tuesday was the reintegration meeting following his exclusion. This one fell to me, as all morning meetings do. Although we had no problems getting there on time, Zac's attitude was way off target. Having worked with kids in schools, I've probably attended more of these meetings than Zac has (or maybe not. lol). They usually last 10 min at the most. After 20 min, the deputy head teacher wasn't prepared to let Zac back into school, so time for me to intervene. All I said was "sullen is the word that comes to my mind". Obviously picking up that I wasn't happy with Zac's attitude she decided to catch up on some paperwork, and left the 2 of us together. A few harsh words! It worked, and he survived the rest of the week with no problems.
The highlight of the week was last Friday. Kart practice as usual, but no arguments / fights. At the end of the day, everything packed up, ready to leave. Zac walked over to me and said "good day, we've not had a fight" - gave me a hug "a manly hug". What surprised me was that he'd done that in the privacy of his own home before, this was so public, in the middle of the pit area.

Guess it's been a good week for me. Zac's put into words, or demonstrated ,how he feels about me, matching my feelings towards him.
So, Keliss, many thanks for your last comments, and long term support, it's much appreciated. Kudos? not sure about that. Responsibility? - not mine? - maybe it's something that I've accepted ( or Zac and I have?) - anyway, I'm happy with it right now.

Luv, Baz

Zac's First Race

Sorry, no pictures, cos the weather was shit.
The boy wonder did really well. As a novice, starting from the back of the grid he moved up 5 places in all three heats, to gain a start 10th on the grid in the final, achieving 9th position at the end. Pretty good for his first race, acknowledged by a trophy for the best junior novice on the day.
Sadly it all went downhill from there. He should have had second race today (sun) but because of school issues (he got excluded on thursday), I withdrew him from that race.

Zac races under the umbrella of a team who provide technical support, tho we are semi indepentent, but the team have been fully supportive of my decision, to the extent that he's been told if he carries on that way, they will drop him. He's aware that if we lose that tech support, i can't replace it (or maybe won't), and he'll lose everything.

His next race is in 2 weeks time, but subject to satisfactory school attendence and behaviour.
Am I really an ogre, or am I just taking a firm line about behaviour in his best interest? Comments please.

ARKS, but not Noah's

Laterz about ARKS.
Has been a strange week. Zac was in school on Monday, but was clearly upset when I picked him up at end of school. There's an issue about bullying that the school have not yet resolved.
Upshot was that his Mum kept him out of school on Tuesday and Wednesday, until she could speak to his head of year. This "decision" was made without any discussion with me - I was informed of it.
Head of Year phoned his mum on Wednesday. She promised he would be in school on Thursday.
So Thursday morning, I managed to prise the little shit out of bed, with much grumbling - "no point going in for a day, why can't I start fresh next Monday" (Friday's are a sporting day, agreed with the school, which is where ARKS comes in to the story.)
Getting no joy from me, he went to Mum with the same argument, only to be told "sort it out with Barry", and she promptly went back to sleep. Great, I'm thinking, make a decision on your own, and leave me to pick up the pieces.
So, I get 10 minutes of the same old record off Zac, simply stalling for time, coz he knows when it comes to school and Mum leaves it to me, he goes, might be late, but he goes.
So, eventually I just say "I'm not discussing it any more, it's not negotiable. Either go to school today, or you go in tomorrow and miss Karting. (clue? K from ARKS).
Predictably, he backed down, and just as predictably, spent 30 mins in the shower to make sure would be late foe school. Still, better late than not at all.
So, ARKS (association of racing kart schools). Zac has a racing Kart (pic of it on some earlier posts), and on Fridays he's allowed by the school to practice.
Last Saturday, he passed his ARKS test, so he's now licensed to race. First race this Sunday, Hopefully, I'll have time to get some pics and post them next week.
Karting is a motor racing sport, and isn't cheap. Since we started, 6 months ago, I guess I've "invested" about 15k in it. Last Saturday, the look on Zac's face, and the little swagger in his walk made it all worth while.

A Manly Hug

Finally got there. Yesterday (sunday), after a fairly heated difference about issues from the previous night, Zac apologised and gave me a hug (not something he usually does anyway). Much to my surprise, he actually asked me to give him a hug back! a "manly" hug, in his words.
He doesn't, and probably never will, know just how long I've waited for that moment.
Short post, gotta go and pick him up from his mates.
luv, baz

Thanks Kellis, and more background info?

I' m writing this as i think, so it may be disjointed.
Wrt bullying - Zac does appear to be more relaxed about it, now it's in the open. I suspect, tho' that I may have some work to do to get him in school tomorrow. At least he's spoken about it, so now he's got to give them a chance to do something about it - my view at least. He'll probably run with that, 'cos he knows that's what I expect.

But, there are more issues at home. His mother applies different rules to Zac than she expects about herself. Zac has just opened his own bank account, with a fixed amount of "pocket money" being paid in each month, so he can learn about budgeting. He's already asked for an advance on next months money, and been told "no" by his mum, 'cos he needs to budget. I agree in principle, but this comes from a woman who spends all her benefits on cigs, and can't budget for herself. In the last week, I've written off about £1000 of her debts, and still expects me to buy (some) of her cigs. I'm supposed to take a hard line with Zac - -frankly I find it hard to operate two sets of rules.

I have a feeling that in the next year or so, I will have had enough of it, and may well walk out. With that is a suspicion that Zac may well come with me. Would that be the right thing? I just don't know.

Things he's said to me, and what I've overheard - "I'll talk to Barry, at least he understands me".
I don't know the answer. Something in me says he would be better off living with me, he's fine with me, we talk, and listen to each other. Even when we don't agree, we don't fall out about it.
I think i posted earlier that may be hismother is the "nigger in the woodpile" - as time goes on, I'm starting to think it may be true.

Luv, Baz