I' m writing this as i think, so it may be disjointed.
Wrt bullying - Zac does appear to be more relaxed about it, now it's in the open. I suspect, tho' that I may have some work to do to get him in school tomorrow. At least he's spoken about it, so now he's got to give them a chance to do something about it - my view at least. He'll probably run with that, 'cos he knows that's what I expect.
But, there are more issues at home. His mother applies different rules to Zac than she expects about herself. Zac has just opened his own bank account, with a fixed amount of "pocket money" being paid in each month, so he can learn about budgeting. He's already asked for an advance on next months money, and been told "no" by his mum, 'cos he needs to budget. I agree in principle, but this comes from a woman who spends all her benefits on cigs, and can't budget for herself. In the last week, I've written off about £1000 of her debts, and still expects me to buy (some) of her cigs. I'm supposed to take a hard line with Zac - -frankly I find it hard to operate two sets of rules.
I have a feeling that in the next year or so, I will have had enough of it, and may well walk out. With that is a suspicion that Zac may well come with me. Would that be the right thing? I just don't know.
Things he's said to me, and what I've overheard - "I'll talk to Barry, at least he understands me".
I don't know the answer. Something in me says he would be better off living with me, he's fine with me, we talk, and listen to each other. Even when we don't agree, we don't fall out about it.
I think i posted earlier that may be hismother is the "nigger in the woodpile" - as time goes on, I'm starting to think it may be true.
Luv, Baz
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6 days ago
3 comments:
Although Zac's mom seems to have the best of intentions, from what you've written so far, I get the impression that Zac's mom is not cut out to be a parent whatever her intentions are. I've never heard of a NEW stay-at-home parent, (Zac hasn't been there for very long,) having to take a two week break from their own child. She seems to be a child herself and is ill-equipped to handle her OWN affairs, let alone teach a teenager how to handle his.
I also get the impression that the boy has firmly attached himself to you (and vice-versa). You may very well be the first adult he's respected. You appear to be his lifeline, so he can't do without you for the time being. I have no doubt that if you were to leave he would soon follow you, seeing as his feet are how he ended up at his mother's door in the first place. If he left one home, he can most certainly leave another.
Having said all that, if this were to indeed happen, I'm not sure it would leave you in a good position legally. Mom could cry foul if this were to happen, which would not be in anybody's best interests.
(I say COULD because although most parents WOULD rightly do so, based on her past actions, I'm not so sure SHE would.)
I would tread very carefully and feel the situation out. If you were to leave, would someone else take your place, or is this living arrangement one of mutual convenience rather than an official job?
Be careful.
I just re-read my own comment and its left me a bit muddled. To clarify, I think the basic message I was trying to convey is that I think this is one of those "damned-if-you-do/damned-if-you-don't" situations.
I don't envy your situation.
@ keliss. Sorry to be so long responding. Your first comment makes total sense to me - can't really see why it left you muddled!
Your impressions are I think a thismazingly accurate. Since originally posting, my thoughts have changed. Relationships have changed. Zac & I have a very strong bond these days, much has changed. I've assumed, or been handed, more responsibilty for him. Still issues at school, but it was me, not Mum, who attended the schools pastoral support meeting this morning. Interestingly, Zac had told his head of year yesterday that it would be me attending, rather than his mum!
Your comments about mum are so perceptive. tho her medication affects her ability to make judgements at times.
I've no intention of leaving, right now - Zac needs his Mum, as much as he may need me.
Big change is that I'm writing this whilst sitting in Zac's room, talking to him about redecorating his room. doesn't even know i've got this blog.
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